The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
