the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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