they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
