shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
