We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
