I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The feeling are messing with the penis
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
