one two three fourrrrnication!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
