True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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