I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
