Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
