Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
