Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
FUCK WHALES
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
