Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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