Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
