its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
