You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
