Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize