census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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