dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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