that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
