After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
