Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize