he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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