And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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