my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
