Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize