drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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