is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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