I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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