Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
A+ Viking dick
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
