I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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