Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So much rum. So many feels.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
