When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
