farters have to be the big spoon...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
