im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
