She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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