I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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