i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
