either way he was missing a nipple.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize