Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Found your dick twin last night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
