Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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