wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
