Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
"it" just moved
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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