he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I queefed so loud it echoed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
