I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
