does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
