I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
