My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
