I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
