you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize