Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How external is "for external use only"?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
