I got chris browned last night
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have aggressive nipples.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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