things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
