I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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