No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My life is pants optional.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
