R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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