I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize