Welp...herpes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
