"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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