Its about making memories worth repressing
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Who died my cat blue again?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
