You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
