was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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