Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
