yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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