Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
and you fell through a lawn chair
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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