Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize