It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
