you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
