i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
