you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
