Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
where are you?
Hypothermia
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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