In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
