Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
