It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
