I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
