Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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