Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
