Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
