oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
