I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize