It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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