I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize