this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My dick has a subreddit
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
