So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
