i just sent this text using only my big toe
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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