I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
