We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
