my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
