if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
