I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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