she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
