Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
