Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
