He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is it penis luge time yet?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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