I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
