I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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