today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Brb crying the tears of my youth
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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