Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
