You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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