We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
