happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize