I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
