Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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