I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
