i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
