It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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