Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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