dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
